3 Things Everyone Needs

We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves. –C.S. Lewis

On My Own!

Anger? Pain? Embarrassment? Ego? What drives us to try to "go it alone"? A few years ago I took a class in Classical Political Thought. There was a student in that class that didn't buy the premise that people need each other. He needed:

• No one.
• No friends.
• No community.
• No family.

He was set on the fact that he was complete in his individuality. Pity... Were his argument sound, he wouldn't have needed to work for the world's largest retailer. He wouldn't have needed to pursue a university degree. Oh...and he would have been able to produce all of his food and manufacture all of his clothing and any other implements and furnishings that he might require. He wasn't arguing for freedom; he was arguing for an extreme form of asocial individualism. His arguments weren't really about individualism, either. He seemed to be trying to convince himself and others that his asocial desires were healthy and acceptable. My only remaining question about this young man is "who hurt him so deeply that he wants to excuse himself from society so completely?"

Do We Really Need a Community?

The fundamental conditions and resources for health are peace, shelter, education, food, income, a stable eco-system, sustainable resources, social justice and equity. Improvement in health requires a secure foundation in these basic prerequisites. -World Health Organization

Education requires community. Food requires community. (Okay…I know how to produce food. Here's the question: do you have enough land to produce ALL of your own food?) Income requires community. The balance of that list is that which we need because we live in communities. I'll even concede that education, food production, and income would change if we didn't have to deal with others. Would that be life? Would it really be better?

What Causes Life to be Better?

As human beings we depend on our connectedness to family, friends and even coworkers.… Think of the significant connections in your life. Wouldn't you agree that those connections are life-giving? –Butch Odom

Dr. Gary Gunderson at Methodist LeBonheur Healthcare in Memphis, Tennessee, conducted a research project in which I was a participant. Most studies try to find out why things go wrong or why people die. Dr. Gunderson wanted to find out why things go well or why people thrive. He came up with five conditions that help people live which he and Larry Pray detail in their book Leading Causes of Life:

5 Leading Causes of Life

1. Connection: a sense of meaningful relationships.
2. Coherence: a sense that life makes sense.
3. Agency: the ability to act.
4. Blessing: a multi-generational view of life.
5. Hope.

In order to thrive, we need to be deeply grounded in a community that helps us find some important things. Here's my restatement of the Leading Causes:

1. Meaning
2. Empowerment/Confidence/Courage/Will to Act
3. Vision

Meaning

We find meaning, or a sense of who we are and why we are, in the relationships we experience. At first, meaning is defined by our family relationships. Later, we add in friends. Then, we add co-workers. Finally, we start losing people who have been influential in our lives. Throughout the entire process of life, our sense of life and its meaning are shaped by the people with whom we connect. How do you add meaning to the people around you?

Empowerment

Have you seen the Child at the pool who's afraid of the water? Care to wager on whether or not one of that child's parents is afraid of the water, too? Our sense of empowerment, or the lack thereof, is built by our relationships. What about our experiences? Can you separate you experiences from your relationships? I can't. My sense of courage is built on the foundation of my relationship with my father. Many of my fears rest on the foundation of my relationship with my mother. Guess which one was courageous and which one was filled with fear? Other people along the way have influenced me, too. There have been colleagues, friends, pastors, mentors, and even authors. Note that every one of those labels describes a person and a relationship. How do you empower the people within your sphere of influence?

Vision

One ancient wisdom book says, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Even if we find deep meaning in our lives and the courage to act, we still have to figure what to do. That's where vision fills the gaps. Vision is the ability to know where you're going…even if you can't see the path. Vision is also another example of why we need community. Life is a team sport. Whether you're a great point-guard who sets up his teammates to score, a great rebounder, a great defender, or great shooter, you've got skills…and weaknesses. The point-guard has to have vision…to see the play developing so he can help his team respond and help his teammates use their strengths at the right time. We need people of such vision. We need people who can see 20 years down the road. (That's me.) These are people who can see what is possible. They give us dreams and keep us focused on them. They see the championship ring at the end of the season. They see that we can go to the moon. Without other people, such people of vision are helpless. Without people who are gifted to see details and focus on the medium and short range needs of nations, communities, organizations, and families, vision is just "pie in the sky." Without vision, the details of each day are just drudgery. They are tasks that have no purpose and are moving us toward…who knows?

Thriving

Life isn't just existence. It's about thriving…succeeding…growing…overcoming… If those words don't describe your experience, answer these questions:

• Who am I?
• What is my purpose?

If those answer escape you…or if you don't like them and want to change them… then answer this one: To whom are you connected? Make a list. Name the people you know and associate with. Describe them and their key traits AND their influnce on you. What does your list of connections say about you?

Whether life is good or bad or indifferent, you can thrive…succeed…grow…overcome. To do it you have to have live with meaning, courage, and vision. Oh, the communities to which you are connected are vitally important! They form you on a deeper level than you may realize.